『Mama’s daily』



『Mama’s daily』


When I was single

I liked wearing heels


Although I didn’t like the taste of alcohol

I enjoyed the fun atmosphere at parties with my friends


I had my favourite songs on my Walkman

And I listened to them whenever I wanted to


I liked reading books and relaxing on train rides


I often took a bubble bath


And every other month

I never missed going to a hair salon


I liked putting makeup on

I also liked going to a movie on my own


Buying the latest fashion magazine

Listening to a popular song

Wearing trendy clothes

Going to a hot spot anytime I wanted to


But now I’m

Wearing muddy sneakers

Bringing a huge bag filled with diapers and changing clothes for my kids

With no makeup

Tying my hair back


Every day

I’m walking to a park with my children holding their hands


The music I listen to has changed from Taylor Swift to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star


I’m checking letters from my daughter’s kindergarten or my mother’s and child’s health handbook instead of the latest fashion magazine


I’m thinking of what to make for dinner

What to do after my daughter gets back home from kindergarten


I’m wondering whether the laundry will dry and if tomorrow will be sunny  for her field trip


Last night, I ended up yelling at my son who has been crying hard before going to sleep

So I should try to put him to sleep early tonight


Trying not to get mad

Thinking of something like this


Since one day comes right after another, every day

I can no longer remember

A clean tidy room

Those nights I could sleep through to the morning

Or the last time I could take time to put mascara on




Because I can’t remember these things anymore

They always slip out of my mind


These days won’t last forever


When I get to relax in the bath

I would recall

When you and I looked at each other and counted numbers

Your lovely voice that echoed gently in the bathroom


When I get to toss and turn freely in my sleep

I would long for

Your warmth that I would never feel in my bed no matter how far I go 


When I get to play my favourite CD whenever I want to

I would cry

For the memory of your laughter filling the whole room


When I get to take my time to do makeup

I would cry

For your tiny little hands that pulled my clothes

Climbed up on my lap

Your little hands that got in the way of every single thing I do


When I get to wear heels whenever I want to

I would cry

For the memory of chasing you laughing and rolling around

Us covered with mud after

The sky that you and I looked up at together


When the days that I do laundry for only me and your dad come

I would cry

That I don’t see all of your sandy socks

Peed pants

And shirts soaked with milk in a laundry basket


When the day comes that I vacuum the rooms and I don’t hear your footsteps

I would cry

That I notice all the cookie crumbs

Small parts of toys

And your thin and soft hair are gone


When I get to do whatever, whenever I want to

I would cry

For the memory of you calling out and looking for me all the time





I wonder how long I get to have them

I wonder how much time left there is to be right beside you



While I had been thinking about such things

Another day passed by



Because our everyday life is now that we have our children by our side


We feel when being away from our children and having a little time alone is a special thing

And we appreciate that we get to fully enjoy our things 


But if we think about our entire life

What is truly special are the days that our children are breathing next to us


But we forget that



We feel as if every day that goes by will last forever


We will know someday 

That these hectic days were studded with countless lovely moments


We would notice after all the things are gone


Our children have been giving us many sweet memories 

Since the day they were born to this world


All the days we have now are

The days we get to be a mom to our children


Until this life is gone

No matter how far apart

We will always be a mom who cares and worries

And loves them

But someday we will know

How short of a time we get to be a mom and to be right beside them


Today again

You look back at me with an innocent smile


And run into my arms calling me “mommy”


I will never forget it






The yesterday you and I laughed together at your bangs I cut too short

The today I shed a tear after yelling at you

The night you tossed around in bed made me laugh

The whiteness of the white clovers you picked for me


Myself whom you have forgiven


The every day you have been with me


I will never ever forget it



Though I like fashion magazines

You made me realize that I’m able to be moved by how beautiful children’s books can be



Though I like wearing heels

I have come to like how comfortable wearing sneakers can be


I always put myself first before having you


You taught me that there is something more precious than my own life 


From the bottom of my heart

I’m grateful to my children

Written by LICO  (Instagram:@licomamachan)

English translation by Tomoko Lui  (Instagram:@tomokotsugami)