『Mama’s daily』
When I was single
I liked wearing heels
Although I didn’t like the taste of alcohol
I enjoyed the fun atmosphere at parties with my friends
I had my favourite songs on my Walkman
And I listened to them whenever I wanted to
I liked reading books and relaxing on train rides
I often took a bubble bath
And every other month
I never missed going to a hair salon
I liked putting makeup on
I also liked going to a movie on my own
Buying the latest fashion magazine
Listening to a popular song
Wearing trendy clothes
Going to a hot spot anytime I wanted to
But now I’m
Wearing muddy sneakers
Bringing a huge bag filled with diapers and changing clothes for my kids
With no makeup
Tying my hair back
Every day
I’m walking to a park with my children holding their hands
The music I listen to has changed from Taylor Swift to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
I’m checking letters from my daughter’s kindergarten or my mother’s and child’s health handbook instead of the latest fashion magazine
I’m thinking of what to make for dinner
What to do after my daughter gets back home from kindergarten
I’m wondering whether the laundry will dry and if tomorrow will be sunny for her field trip
Last night, I ended up yelling at my son who has been crying hard before going to sleep
So I should try to put him to sleep early tonight
Peacefully
Trying not to get mad
Thinking of something like this
Since one day comes right after another, every day
I can no longer remember
A clean tidy room
Those nights I could sleep through to the morning
Or the last time I could take time to put mascara on
Right
Because I can’t remember these things anymore
They always slip out of my mind
These days won’t last forever
When I get to relax in the bath
I would recall
When you and I looked at each other and counted numbers
Your lovely voice that echoed gently in the bathroom
When I get to toss and turn freely in my sleep
I would long for
Your warmth that I would never feel in my bed no matter how far I go
When I get to play my favourite CD whenever I want to
I would cry
For the memory of your laughter filling the whole room
When I get to take my time to do makeup
I would cry
For your tiny little hands that pulled my clothes
Climbed up on my lap
Your little hands that got in the way of every single thing I do
When I get to wear heels whenever I want to
I would cry
For the memory of chasing you laughing and rolling around
Us covered with mud after
The sky that you and I looked up at together
When the days that I do laundry for only me and your dad come
I would cry
That I don’t see all of your sandy socks
Peed pants
And shirts soaked with milk in a laundry basket
When the day comes that I vacuum the rooms and I don’t hear your footsteps
I would cry
That I notice all the cookie crumbs
Small parts of toys
And your thin and soft hair are gone
When I get to do whatever, whenever I want to
I would cry
For the memory of you calling out and looking for me all the time
I wonder how long I get to have them
I wonder how much time left there is to be right beside you
Then
While I had been thinking about such things
Another day passed by
Because our everyday life is now that we have our children by our side
We feel when being away from our children and having a little time alone is a special thing
And we appreciate that we get to fully enjoy our things
But if we think about our entire life
What is truly special are the days that our children are breathing next to us
But we forget that
Somehow
We feel as if every day that goes by will last forever
We will know someday
That these hectic days were studded with countless lovely moments
We would notice after all the things are gone
Our children have been giving us many sweet memories
Since the day they were born to this world
All the days we have now are
The days we get to be a mom to our children
Until this life is gone
No matter how far apart
We will always be a mom who cares and worries
And loves them
But someday we will know
How short of a time we get to be a mom and to be right beside them
Today again
You look back at me with an innocent smile
And run into my arms calling me “mommy”
I will never forget it
Never
Never
The yesterday you and I laughed together at your bangs I cut too short
The today I shed a tear after yelling at you
The night you tossed around in bed made me laugh
The whiteness of the white clovers you picked for me
Myself whom you have forgiven
The every day you have been with me
I will never ever forget it
Though I like fashion magazines
You made me realize that I’m able to be moved by how beautiful children’s books can be
Though I like wearing heels
I have come to like how comfortable wearing sneakers can be
I always put myself first before having you
But
You taught me that there is something more precious than my own life
From the bottom of my heart
I’m grateful to my children
Written by LICO (Instagram:@licomamachan)
English translation by Tomoko Lui (Instagram:@tomokotsugami)
