『Mama’s daily』 | LICOオフィシャルブログ「子どものこころが穏やかに育つ魔法の育児法」

『Mama’s daily』

When I was single

I liked wearing heels

Although I didn’t like the taste of alcohol

I liked the joyful mood at a drinking party that I would go with my friends

I put my favourite songs to my Walkman

And I was listening to them whenever I wanted to

I also liked reading books on a train just by myself

I often took a bubble bath and relaxed

I used to go to a hair salon at least every other month

I liked putting makeup on

And I also liked going to a movie

Buying the latest fashion magazine

Listening to a popular song

Wearing trendy clothes

Going to a hot spot anytime I wanted to

But now I’m

Wearing muddy sneakers

Bringing a huge bag filled with diapers and changing clothes for my kids

With no makeup

Binding my hair at the back

Everyday

I’m walking to a park with my kids taking their hands

The music I listen to has changed to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star from Taylor

Swift

I’m checking letters from a kindergarten or my mother and child health

handbook instead of the latest fashion magazine

Thinking of what to make for dinner tonight

What to do after my daughter gets back home from a kindergarten

And whether laundry clothes will get dry as well as if it will be sunny

tomorrow for her field trip

Since I had ended up scolding my son fussing hard before he went to sleep

last night

I should try to put him to sleep early for him tonight

Try not to get mad

Peacefully

Thinking about something like this

Since another day comes right after, every single day

I can no longer remember

A clean tidy room

Those nights I can sleep through to the morning

Or last time I could take time to put mascara on

Right

Because I can’t remember these things anymore

I forget these things before I know that

I forget that those days won’t last forever

When I would get to have a relaxing time in the bath

I would recall

When you and I faced each other and counted numbers

Echoed your lovely voice

When I would get to sleep tossing and turning as much as I want to

I would long for

Your warmth which I would never feel that close even if I roll around on the

entire bed

When I would get to play my favourite CD whenever I want to

I would cry

For remembering your laughter filled in this whole room

When I would get to take time for makeup as much as I want

I would cry

For your tiny little hands that pulled my clothes

Climbed up on my lap,

And your hands that destruct every single thing I would do

When I would get to wear heels whenever I want to

I would cry

For remembering chasing you laughing out loud and running around

Us being covered with mud after

The sky that you and I looked up at together

When those days that I wash only your dad’s and my clothes would come

I would cry

That I don’t see all of your sandy socks

Peed pants

And a shirt soaked with milk in a laundry basket

When the day I would vacuum the rooms where I don’t hear your footsteps

I would cry

That I notice all the flakes of cookies left

Small parts of toys

And your thin and soft hair had gone

When I would get to do whatever and whenever I want to

I would cry

For remembering you calling out and looking for me all the time

I wonder how long I get to have them

I wonder how much time left there is to get to be right beside you

Then

While I had been thinking about such things

Another day passed by

For now

We spend time with our children every day

That makes the moment you can use time just for yourself so special

And we cherish “my time” that allows us to enjoy just being ourselves

But if we think about our life

What is truly special is the days that we could live with our children

But we forget that

Somehow

We spend time every day as if it will last forever

We would know someday

That these hectic days were studded with countless lovely moments

We would notice after all the things are gone

Our children had been leaving us a lot of memories by all energy

Until today since they were born to this world

Our every day is

The days we get to be a mom of our children

Until our lives will burn away

We will always be a mom for our children

A mom who will always think about

Care about

And love her children no matter how far apart from them

But someday we would know

How short it is to get to be “mama” right beside our children

Today again

You look back at me with an innocent smile

And run into my arms calling me “mama”

I will never forget it

Never

Never

The yesterday you and I laughed together at your bangs I cut too short

The today I cried for scolding you

The night I laughed at you tossing around in bed

The whiteness of the white clovers you picked for me

Myself who have been forgiven by you

The every day you have been with me

I will never ever forget it

Though I like fashion magazines

I also knew that I could be moved by how beautiful children’s books can be

Though I like wearing heels

I have come to like how comfortable wearing sneakers is

I used to care about myself more than anything

To me like that

My children taught me that there is something more precious than my life

could exist

I’m grateful to you

from the bottom of my heart